to be honest…i think that if i called, you wouldnt talk to me…part of me thinks that you’ll ignore this message or delete it without reading it…that makes me sad…i know when we talk i rarely say anything of substance…i apologize…its hard for me to talk about how i feel, especially sober…i know it’s pathetic…i’ve been working on it…whenever i felt scared or alone, which was more often than i’d like to admit, i thought of las vegas…it made me a good soldier…when you stopped talking to me in iraq, it broke my heart…i stopped caring about anything…to the point where people noticed and asked what was wrong…i lied and say nothing…i’d get up in the middle of the night and go up to the roof to be alone and feel sorry for myself…when you called me in alaska, it was such a shock that my reaction was to try and hurt your feelings, so i pretended not to recognize your voice…i’m really sorry…when i called you on new years, some guy called my phone…i assume that was your boyfriend…i sent you that text about getting rid of my dog tags…i don’t know if you got it or did it…it made me sad…i thought that was the end of us…the night before you sent me a friend request, i burnt all your pictures and vowed to get over you…i woke up and instantly regreted it…when i saw your request i felt even worse…i don’t know what to feel right now…on one hand, i want to say to hell with it and try to forget we met…on the other, i really want to make it work with you…i’ve always thought it wasn’t fair to you to have a long distance relationship…you’re young and it’s so much to ask…i don’t want to just be friends…i would always feel heartache and try to pinpoint how i fucked it all up whenever we talk or i see a picture of you…all or nothing…so…i’m leavng it up to you…in my opinion, it’s worth a shot…;)
Posted on Friday, 5 March 2010
